When Tasertricks meets Sherlolly
by Potix
Summary: Recipe for a disaster: put a former villain Norse God and a sociopath consulting detective together for one day, without their respective girlfriends...and wait until they make the City explode".
1. Chapter 1

**Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Steve Moffat, Mark Gatiss own Sherlock and his realm. Marvel owns Loki and Darcy Lewis. I just own my computer,my version of Openoffice, and my sick fantasies. English is not my native language, and this story is un-betaed, so please forgive the mistakes and the typos.**

**Sonnet-91 gave me this prompt on Tumblr (several months ago): "Can you do one where Loki and Sherlock get stuck for a whole day together? I think that would be neat.". My dear, sorry for the delay...and yes, it's going to be a multichapter story, I couldn't contain the madness of Loki and Sherlock together in a one-shot.**

"Tell me again: why are we here?". Loki's impatient tone reminded Darcy of a petulant child.

"Because, and I don't want to repeat myself – again -, my cousin invited us to spend some time with her, and I've not seen her since my first year at college, and more important, I've always wanted to visit London at Christmas. Last time I was here, a bunch of angry dark elves totally ruined the mood, and Jane was making me work so hard that I didn't have the occasion to see my cousin. So, please, shut up, be a gentleman and hail a taxi for us!"

They were just outside Heathrow, a crowd of tourists surrounding the couple. Loki, dressed in casual clothes (obviously in his trademark colours, green and black), was thankfully unrecognizable, but he still had a distinct air of regality and authority. He raised a hand, and a cab stopped instantaneously beside them.

"You have to tell me your secret, sweetie..." Darcy teased him, and was ready to go inside, when a madman stepped out from nowhere, placing himself in front of the car.

"What the f-". The pretty intern's ranting was stopped by the same madman, who shoved her aside and sneaked into the cab."It's essential that I take this cab...your London tour can wait!". With that, he shouted an address to the cabbie, and the car left them, bewildered and angry, outside the airport.

* * *

Darcy and Loki arrived at their destination three hours later, cold, tired and irritated - well, thanks to his being a God and to his Jotunn inheritance, Loki was only really outraged. He had restrained himself, only because of a promise he had made before their trip ("Loki, please promise me you won't throw a tantrum in London. No magic, no mischief, while we are abroad. God knows what Fury would do if you provoked an international misunderstanding with the Queen...Promise!"), a promise he was truly regretting. That stupid, pathetic, ignorant man...he had transformed peasants into frogs for less serious insults!

Thankfully, Loki had Darcy with him, to help him restrain himself from "accidentally" ending some poor man's life; but the God was starting to suspect that in her current state, his beautiful and snarky girlfriend was already planning something devious.

"That insufferable man...I've always thought english men were gentleman, you know? Polite, kind, full of attentions...but that asshole was...arghh! We had to stay outside, and then the next taxi broke on the route from the airport, and we had to wait for another one...Thankfully we arrived to our hotel just in time to leave our baggage and come here. I hope that we will never meet that hideous man again!" Darcy shouted, before stopping at a coffee bar, just a block away from the hospital where her cousin worked.

"We have to wait for Molls here...she sent me a text earlier, saying that she had a set back at work, and that she would be ready to join us in..." the sound of hurried footsteps behind them startled Darcy, and made her stop; then, she heard her name, and she started to run towards a pretty-looking woman with a long pony-tail.

"Darcy...oh my God, how have you grown, my little cousin!" Molly Hooper managed to squeak, seeing that Darcy was hugging her so tightly to make her gasp for her breath.

"I'm not so little anymore!" Darcy answered, dragging down her cousin to meet Loki." Molls, I want you to meet my boyfriend. Molls, this is Lukas Friggason. Lukas, this is my favourite cousin, and extraordinary pathologist Molly Hooper!".

The two exchanged a firm handshake, and entered the cozy and crowded coffee-shop. They had just given their orders, when they heard the door opened again, and a tall, lanky man started to make his way towards them, without regard of the customers he was rudely elbowing.

Molly and Loki - or Lukas, as his fake id said - were sitting with their backs towards the door, so they witnessed Darcy's expression going from amused to really annoyed in a fraction of a second.

"No, not you again..." she muttered, and at her words Loki turned and stood up, coming face to face with the rude madman who had stolen their cab three hours earlier. He was ready to transform that petty human in a toad full of pocks, when Darcy's cousin literally threw herself into the stranger's arms, and the stranger started to kiss her quite vigorously.

The Norse God shared a confused look with his equally bewildered girlfriend, and only Darcy's clearing her throat rather blatantly made the two lovebirds interrupt their intense snog session.

Molly was blushing, and the man seemed quite smug. "Well...Darcy, Lukas...this is my consulting detective, Sherlock Holmes".

**Thanks for reading...and be kind, let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Steve Moffat, Mark Gatiss own Sherlock and his realm. Marvel owns Loki and Darcy Lewis. I just own my computer,my version of Openoffice, and my sick fantasies. English is not my native language, and this story is un-betaed, so please forgive the mistakes and the typos.**

_**Previously...**_

"Well...Darcy, Lukas...this is my consulting detective, Sherlock Holmes".

* * *

"Sherlock Holmes!? Sherlock "Boffin" Holmes?!". Darcy's loud shriek disturbed the quiet atmosphere in the coffee shop. All the customers looked at them, but thankfully their attention quickly shifted back to their drinks. Sherlock huffed, insulted by the appellative, and Molly seemed quite upset too.

"Darcy, it's not very nice for you to use that moniker...". The american girl laughed in disbelief, stopping her cousin's reprimand."You are defending him? _Him _? The man who used you to gain his entry to your morgue, or to have some severed fingers to experiment with? You complained about him with me on the phone every time, during the last three years! How many times did he flirt with you, or simply lie to you, just to make you do what he wanted?".

The sound of Sherlock's fist on the table startled the little group. "Never. I never lied to Molly. Every time I complimented her in the past, I never said anything I didn't think. And for the times I made her suffer, I've already apologised".

Darcy stared back at him, not entirely convinced. "So what? You say sorry, and then decide to give her a try? And what about you, Molly? Have you forgiven him, after all these years full of humiliations, and manipulations?".

"Darcy...stop now". This time was Loki's voice to interrupt his girlfriend's rant."I know why you are doing this, but I don't think that everyone here needs to hear your opinion about your cousin's love life". Darcy turned to him, and then looked at Molly, who had not replied yet.

"You're right. Molly, I think we both need to refresh our lipstick". She stood up, and waited for the pathologist to do the same; when her cousin was next to her, Darcy hugged her tightly. The two whispered a few words, and with a last look to Sherlock and Loki, they made their way towards the restroom.

The two men remained silent for an uncomfortable lapse of time, until one of them finally broke the silence.

"I know who you are, Mr Friggason. Or better, I know who you really are".

Loki kept a straight face, and continued to stare at his tea.

"And you know that I'm not lying, of course, when I say that I'm a little surprised at your choice of company. Ms Lewis hardly seems an appropriate companion for a prince".

The God smirked in response. "Trust me, Mr Holmes, she's adequate enough for me. Most important of all, she genuinely forgave me for my past...intemperances. A trait she seemed to share with her cousin, and of you should be thankful for it, for what I've just heard".

"So, Mr Odinson…or do you go by Laufeyson, now?" Sherlock's casual tone didn't prevent Loki from grimacing, and the english man smirked in return. "Anyway, aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Well, Mr Holmes, I believe I might ask the same to you…" the God answered, ans this time the consulting detective's smile was less mocking.

"I think you will agree with me, that sometimes a little bit of dying is required, in order to fulfill our purpose".

They silently tried to stare the other down, until Loki lost interest in their silly power play. "So, what gave me away? So far, you've been the only human capable to look beyond my disguise. I'm quite intrigued by your method, Mr Holmes".

"Well, I suppose I should start with a list of your telltale signs...but why waste time?" Sherlock asked."Let's just say that sometimes, having an older brother occupying a minor position in the British Government is quite useful, as far as obnoxious the brother might be..." the consulting detective concluded, quite disturbed by his admission".

"Older brothers... how many crimes have we committed , to deserve them?". Loki and Sherlock smirked in agreement, until suddenly the smile fell from Sherlock's lips. "Our partners are spending a lot of time in the restroom, just to refresh their make-up...".

Loki dismissed his worried statement with a quiet laugh. "Darcy's surely already apologised for her rude behaviour to your girlfriend, and now they are talking behind our backs".

"Molly would never...". A muffled noise caught the consulting detective's attention, and he sprinted towards the restroom, followed by a confused God.

The room was empty, with no sign of Darcy and Molly. Something strange caught the former villain's attention. The writing on the mirror didn't have any sense for Loki, but apparently the four words written with Darcy's red lipstick had the power to drain the colour from the already pale face of the man standing by his side.

"DID YOU MISS ME?".

**Don't hate me,please!** **Thanks for reading...and be kind, let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Steve Moffat, Mark Gatiss own Sherlock and his realm. Marvel owns Loki and Darcy Lewis. I just own my computer,my version of Openoffice, and my sick fantasies. English is not my native language, and this story is un-betaed, so please forgive the mistakes and the typos.**

_**Previously...**_

_"DID YOU MISS ME?"._

* * *

"Who took them?". Loki's voice was only apparently calm. His mind was already planning the atrocious tortures he would inflict to the fool who had dared to kidnap his Darcy.

Sherlock stared at the writing on the mirror for a last time, before answering. "He's my nemesis. I saw him falling dead, yet he's still here, threatening the people I hold most dear".

"He will wish he had remained in Hel, because I will torment him from here to eternity. His pleas to end his agony will fall on deaf ears, since I will have no peace until I witness his last breath leaving his body" the God promised, his tone growing darker.

Sherlock could only nod; they needed to hurry, because every second could be vital. Moriarty had not made a move since his announcement on every screen all over the country that he was alive; actually, he was almost convinced that it had all been Mycroft's doing, trying to save him to certain death.

But now...just the thought of Molly in Moriarty's hands made his blood boil, and the memories of his pathologist crowded in his mind. The way she looked when she was barely awake, or the light in her eyes when she was in the morgue, doing her job...the feeling of her skin under his fingertips, the sound of her laughter at her own jokes...

Unbeknown to him, the God was having a similar recollection. He still couldn't understand how he had fallen in love with a snarky, irreverent Midgardian woman like Darcy Lewis. She was not elegant and polished like the Asgardian aristocrats he was used to: she was anything but refined. She was honest, instead, and clever, even more than her boss, Jane Foster. Her heart, so forgiving, and her mind, full of wits, were like a magnet, which had captured him.

The sound of a text arriving on Sherlock's smartphone interrupted their reverie. The consulting detective opened it immediately, waiting for Moriarty's first clue; instead, it was a text from Mycroft.

"I SUGGEST YOU LEAVE THE RESTROOM, AND CHECK THE NEXT ALLEY - MH"

Loki saw Sherlock ran outside, and followed him, hot on his heels. Finally the consulting detective stopped in front of a narrow passage, and the God almost stumbled on him.

"What's going on? Did your archenemy tell you where-". He stopped in mid-sentence, because the sight before his eyes took literally his breath away: his Darcy, and her cousin, were proceeding to tie down two unconscious brute-looking men, and only Sherlock's strangled "Molly!" interrupted them.

"Hey, took you long enough!" Darcy welcomed them. Molly finished to secure them to a pole with her long scarf, and nodded to her boyfriend, who still looked flabbergasted. "Sherlock, I left my bag in the restroom, would you please phone Lestrade and tell him to take in custody these two idiots?"

The consulting detective and the God of Mischief shared an incredulous look, and started to speak at the same time. "How...how did you do it?".

Darcy shrugged. "I managed to take my taser, and I zapped one...then Molly kicked the other very hard where the sun doesn't shine, and delivered a nasty hook just afterwards. Nice moves, Molly, by the way...have you taken self-defence classes?".

"No, just a few lessons from an ex-CIA assassin. Mary married Sherlock's best friend, John and then shot my consulting detective, a while ago. She owed me, in a sense..." Molly said, and finally noticed Sherlock's bewildered expression. Loki was already hugging his Darcy, complimenting her for her bravery.

"Sherlock...are you ok?" the pathologist asked, approaching him tentatively. His possessive kiss took her by surprise, but she quickly melted in his embrace. "Not that I'm complaining, but...you seem perturbed, Sherlock".

"Perturbed? Two morons tried to kidnap you and your cousin, and for a moment I feared I had lost you...forever". Sherlock took a deep breath, and dropped down on one knee. Darcy's squeaking "Oh. My. God!" and Loki trying to hush her with a quick kiss didn't stop him.

"Molly Hooper, I've underestimated you again. I hope you will honour me, by accepting to live the rest of our lives together, in order to let me properly apologise for my failure, every single day. So will you, Molly Hooper -".

"Yes!" Molly half-shouted, throwing her arms around him and making them fall.

"But I didn't finish my question..." Sherlock argued.

"She said yes, I think you don't need another answer, do you, _cousin_?" Darcy interjected, and Loki smirked, conjuring a bottle of champagne out of nowhere.

Molly blinked once, twice, and then turned to her cousin, her flat tone promising a future scolding. "Darcy...do you have anything to tell me, dear cousin?".

**The end**

**I think this is the crackiest thing I've ever written.** **Thanks for reading...and be kind, let me know what you think!**


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